Blank, emptiness yet full to the brim with restlessness and stress. What is it that I am going through? I still believe strongly, but I feel like I have lost faith or maybe only hope.

Every joint in my body seems out of place, filled with pain and stiffness. I feel my mind has gone mad.

Screams silenced before they could be heard. I want no one to know, but my heart knows that I must tell someone.

I feel as though it is beyond my control, but my mind tells me that its not. I feel so mixed up I don't know what to believe. I want to scream for help, but I ask myself "who are you going to believe if you can not even know yourself?"

I feel lost, but everywhere I look it looks the same. How do I know where to go? I sit to pray, but I feel so detached that I can not even find words to say. What have I lost? My mind? Or is it really my heart or spirit? I find myself doubting that I ever had them to start with.

When I look and think about the things I believe in I can deny all of this, telling myself that I am the only one that started and is continuing this within myself, but until I live what I believe I will never know the truth. I am the one stopping myself from making the change I want in my life. I guess the question that I have to answer is how I can stop myself from not making the change.

Do I even understand anything I just said? Why am I writing this? Its not going to do me any good unless I do something about it. And gosh last time I checked here I am still sitting on the floor.

Am I just making everything up? Is my life really this bad or is it all just in my head? I sometimes do feel like living in my head, day after day I am here in the same place doing the same things, week after week, month after month...

Am I always going to be like this or can I actually change it? The only way I can find out is if I get up and try.

The ocean is such a wonderful thing. The water that I can see from this little hill in Japan is the same water I have seen off the sandy desert beach of Texas, high cliffs of Korea, rocky docks of Tonga and the crowded shoreline of Australia. No matter what name you call it by in whatever country you are in the ocean is one body of water. There are no walls or barriers that separate it from one side of the world to the other.

Many battles have been fought on the sea, but the ocean itself is united, it is one. Have you ever seen one part of the ocean separate from the rest as if to say "I am a new ocean now." I think if that happened we would call it a salty lake or a lagoon. Has the Black Sea ever been at war with the Red Sea? I wonder who killed the Dead Sea?

Even the fish and other animals within it do not distinguish one ocean from the next. Bluefin tuna are found in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans and I am sure I could list almost endless others as well. All things big and small and all of different colors and ways of life have there own places in the ocean, yet one big home.

My point is that when I look out at the ocean I can see God's original ideal of peace, harmony, unity and life. God never meant for us to put up borders and laws saying "I have a different name from you, we are not the same." I know a lot of people think the ocean is what separates one land from another, but the way I look at it the ocean is the most beautiful connection we could ever have. God made one world and I believe it is possible to unite as one people as well.

When I look at the ocean I see hope for our future.

My husband and I are members of Ocean Church so I will post something my husband wrote so that you can get an idea of what we are doing. (my husband is Japanese so forgive his english)

What I am going to explain here is the essence of this Providence and my interpretation of Rev. Moon's hope in it.


1) Resolving World Hunger
Rev. Moon wants to save all of humanity. So he has so much concern toward food crisis and how to solve it. At the beginning, he was trying to establish in fishing industry. However we are facing very big potential that some fish may be disappeared from the Ocean because of over fishing (Lack of love for Creation). Now Rev. Moon is talking about fish farm (Aqua-culture) to save hunger people.

2) Restoring God's Third Blessing
Humankind lost God's Three Blessings at the fall of Man, and we are trying to restore First Blessing through unifying mind and body, Second Blessing through making Blessing (marrage) successful, and Third Blessing through close-experience on the Ocean. On the Ocean the Creation is so close and nothing else is there. Rev. Moon said "Ocean Church is created in order to teach ideal of God, his creation of the ocean, so that we can gain true love for, and true dominion over, the creation. We can participate and anticipate God's great task of Creation, and understanding it as a friend."

3) Hobby Industry
Rev. Moon really loves boats and even He created some (designed)!! He said after the kingdom of Heaven is established, people will live for their hobbies.


Anyway, that is the main purposes of Ocean Providence. I hope more people could understand about it through reading my explanation that I did here.

One more thing I want to say, is that Ocean Providence is not the mission that is finished, but it is the mission that is going on, especially in Oceania Continent. We really hope some of you may be interested and want to join someday.

Please feel free to ask any question of the Ocean Providence.

Okay where to start....Well how about just right here and now.

As of right now we (husband Taka, baby Taiyo and I) are living in Japan. However at the end of this month we plan on visiting Australia for a few months. Then my husband will be coming back to Japan, but I will probably go to Korea to stay with my mom and Appa. Then maybe around the end of the year or early next year we are moving to Palau as a family!! Wow that's going to be fun!!

Okay well I think that's enough for now. hehe You will be reading all about it I hope.

Hello everyone! I am Taiyo's mommy, but you can call me Hana! hehe